Giving what you don't have.
You can not truly love someone else until, you love yourself.
The late Whitney Houston sang "The greatest love of all is learning to love yourself." Too bad she didn't listen to her own advice. YOU CAN NOT GIVE WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE. If you do not truly love yourself, you can not love someone else. I know you think you can, but this is why you are struggling so much in your relationship. It's not about them, it's about you!
Have you ever talked to your friends about learning how to love yourself in a healthy way? I doubt it, ever taken a class on the subject? Not likely. Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.
So how do you get healthy and learn to truly love yourself? It's a process. The good news is, you can start this process today. The best way to learn to love yourself, is to understand how God wired you. Discover your unique personality traits, are you the Lion, the Golden Retriever, the Dolphin or the Beaver?
Lion: This personality type likes control and wants to be in charge, call the shots and tell everyone what to do.
Golden Retriever: This personality type is loyal, non confrontational and whatever you want to do is fine with them.
Dolphin: This personality type just wants to have fun, they are high energy, non detailed and smiling all the time.
Beaver: This personality type is about putting things in order, they prefer to be behind the scenes doing their detailed work and cleaning up the chaos.
We all have a mix of these personalities but there is one dominant trait you will find in yourself and one strong secondary. For example I'm a dolphin through and through, if it's not fun, I don't want to do it, details, I'll pass lol. I'm also a secondary Lion, I like control and I like to call to shots, which is why I'm an entrepreneur ( but it has to be fun.)
My bride on the other hand is a Beaver, she must have order, give her the details, that's her calling and she prefers to be behind the scenes. She also is a secondary Golden Retriever, confrontation is not something she enjoys.
The key to all of this is to embrace how God made you, if your a Lion don't curse yourself for being assertive and not being more Golden Retriever like. If your a Dolphin, don't pray that you will one day love details. If you love God, then love how he designed you.
If you want a deeper dive, read the book Your Personality Tree by Florence Littauer. You will be so glad you did : )